Falling in love

For the longest time, the thing I wanted the most was to fall in love. I used to watch rom coms and cry because my heart ached so much for it. I felt that there was something lacking in me that could be filled with the love of another person - that being loved would make me feel complete. And each time I didn’t find love, or a love didn’t work out, or when I fell and that love wasn’t reciprocated, it reinforced my belief that there was something wrong with me, that I was unlovable.

Then I found this practice and little by little that feeling that I wasn’t enough started to fade. Through my practice I have found a love beyond my wildest imaginings. And it’s a love that didn’t come from anything outside of me. A love that is deep and sweet and unconditional and endless. A love that makes me feel safe and held, even when the world doesn’t show up for me in the way I want it to. A love that reminds me that I am innately whole. You know that moment at the end of Notting Hill, where Julia and Hugh are smiling at each other, where the potential is limitless, I feel like that.

This love is still developing - I don’t feel it in every moment (yet), but my goodness the moments that I do are everything. As Krishna says in the Bhagavad Gita “even a small experience protects us from the biggest fear”.

I still think that love between two humans is one of the most beautiful things on this earth, but I no longer feel like it’s something I need to feel whole. And I have a sneaking suspicion that this is going to make it even more sweet next time it finds me.